A conversation with a woman which involves looking her directly in the breasts.
A home-made curry that is more sauce than chicken.
An excessively large computer program that doesn't actually appear to have a function. Microsoft's Frontpage Express is a good example.
A style of cycling as practised by Adam. This involved cycling excessively fast for thirty seconds and then being too knackered to cycle along with everyone else.
Owstwick Utopia. (-n) a resident of Agoubea.
Vodka from the Owstwecian distilleries.
Extra chips instead of seled.
The quality of buying a really good computer at a ridiculously low price. People who have picked up an Apple Powerbook for £300 know what we mean.
To sleep in the barn.
Being under-cautious when repairing a styshege.
To rent out.
Ray's Minibuses. [Entym., lupit - obscure, ]
To own a minibus.
An unknown ingredient in a food which you can taste but you don't want to know what it is.
The use of an Owstwecian word because there isn't an English equivalent.
A flirtatious native female.
Wishing that your kids would go play in someone elses house for a change.
A pen that runs out at inopportune moments, such as when halfway through filling in a job application form.
What Jonathon called us.
Someone who is famous amongst peers for penis size, whether it be small or large.
To gain an unexpected screw.
The ancient ritual of bike swapping at the entrance to Nuttles Hall Farm.
Photogenic (yet clothed) genitals.
The grimy mess that comes out of an old moped's exhaust pipe. It comprises of a mixture of neat fuel and exhaust fumes.
The damage done to your forks when you crash into a car.
Owstwecian boy-band.
To grope in the dark.
An obese person who has an overactive sense of humour and won't stop chuckling.
To lose control of your Kreakcea and go sailing over a hedge.
A milk substitute used in instant tea.
To be permanently engaged because of a permanent connection to ICQ.
To scare shitless.
The damage done to a derailleur whilst cornering to sharply.
Generic answer given to children.
Something which turns to no effect due to a build of foxyniba.
Complete lack of care when mending something.
Shit hot chocolate from a vending machine.
A walking impediment brought about by frequent crossing of the legs.
The default salad that arrives with your takeaway.
Duty free beer from some bloke with a well-stamped passport and a transit van.
Sneddo's best mate.
To slide uncontrollably down a cliff backwards.
A seemingly permanent puncture that can only be mended with just sheer good reason.
What you get covered in when an articulated lorry or a bus overtakes you in the rain. A mixture of kafgennz, bloaf and water.
The programming language used on Memotech computers.
An elizare's best mate who scrawls her name on a railway bridge and who is looser in the knicker department.
The SI unit of computer aptitude.
A state of being devoid of degrons, absolutely clueless about computers.
To remove iaei from clothing and pockets.
To look innocent when there could be trouble.
Descriptive of a person's body which, if it were a house, it would be dwoi.
Unfit for consumption.
Of a man, to injure his genitalia (i.e. in his zip).
Local village children.
To rid your house of other peoples stray kids.
A half-built computer.
To 'pop' into a pub for a swift pint, but end up staying until you run out of money.
An ignorant 'Wintel' machine user.
The horrible cold rain that starts just as you begin your homeward cycle journey.
Someone who flounders in the sea wearing only their underwear.
Architectural terminology for a building which is dilapidated, sad, depressing, not very stimulating or aesthetically pleasing.
To eat some food that although it is depsze, its all there is.
A well-needed sustenance from an obscure greasy spoon cafe, the menu of which becomes very appealing after cycling for 25 miles.
To be forced onto the pavement by a lorry that comes a bit too close.
A cry of exclamation. Such as when your brakes on your bike fail or when you bang your knee on the underneath of the table.
A stench so bad, it can be seen hanging in the air as a green haze.
Someone who has carried out the act of janoideveva.
A stupid girl who engages you in conversation, even though she is about as intelligent as a ten-line BASIC program on a ZX81.
An Owstwecian fowl.
Owstwecian for cluck!
A knackered, old screwdriver found in the cutlery drawer.
A good-looking lesbian.
The only cleaning agent that could get Adam's bike chain clean.
The gungy deposit found in the bottom of an abandoned glass of yuxena.
Incriminating grass-stains on your knees.
Uncharacteristically exciting event in a village.
Kevin's sexual preferences and interests.
Something you bought because it was described as innovative, but turns out to be useless junk and is left at the back of a cupboard or loft.
An overcomplex electronic solution to a device that could probably be fixed with croc-clip and a toggle switch.
An ancient dance performed when you lose your foothold on your cycles' pedals and are desperately trying not to land on the crossbar.
A once attractive woman now spoiled by unplanned children and bad lifestyle.
To burrow maniacally through straw.
An extremely loud computer.
To pursue an animal (bird, rabbit etc) in an attempt to make it your dinner.
What happens to beer when its been in the freezer too long.
A barbecue which is flameproof.
The phenomenon of having copious amounts of beer for a good drinking session, until unexpected people arrive and you suddenly find there's none left for you.
The noise made by over-inflating an inner tube.
To speak in a pseudo-Scottish accent for six months.
A build up of fluff, dust, grime, filth or sludge.
A bike ladened down with pointless accoutrements.
The state of your jeans after cycling with a newly oiled bike chain.
To push your bike home with a flat tyre in scorching hot weather.
A garment that is donned hastily when a woman gets out of the bath to answer the phone.
The fetid, wriel smelling fluid that accumulates next to shit heaps.
The feeling you experience after drinking a friend's first attempt at home-brew wine.
A woman who's far too big wearing a bathing costume that's far too small.
The colour achieved when an attempt at mixing paint goes wrong.
An Owstwecian spirit.
A pet that does nothing apart from eat, sleep, shit, shag and die. Oh, and keep you awake by rattling in it's cage at three in the morning.
The line of grass that runs along the middle of a small unused track or road.
A bad karaoke performance.
To laugh so hard you spit all over your monitor.
To swear in a college meeting.
A tyre that's squared off in shape due to repeatedly skidding on the patch of tread.
Half decent homebrew.
Poor syntax employed in the translation of instruction manuals.
To argue until you're blue in the face about absolutely knack all really.
A pastime that you undertake with great enthusiasm but you get bored of it after two hours.
Barnyard gossip.
Someone who puts a nearly dead bird into a carrier bag and belts it against the wall.
The three-month period of time it takes for a woman to get ready.
The style of cycling down the centre of the road whilst looking the other way, no handed, with your jacket sleeves rolled up and carrying a bike-pump.
A dwoi house in the country.
To use a mobile phone whilst cycling.
The behaviour of a plastic container when filled with a hot liquid.
The mysterious straw which appears in your clothing weeks after your last visit to Owstwick.
Something that gets accidentally filthy.
A parasite that lies dormant in the bottom of a freezer waiting for the right host to come along.
The atmosphere in a public house which is all but empty, save for a regular who knows the landlord and an old smelly lady who mumbles to herself.
A form of inducing fear which isn't as powerful as cekarm.
The shape of the path taken by a poor ice-skater.
To remove an oidibe's cap and throw it under the wheels of a passing car.
A device made from a pot and raw liver which is used for profane activities.
To try to resemble your idol. Since Ray had left Superfi, he had constantly been jeffling.
To purchase something because someone else has one.
A lazy fat person.
To anticipate the postman, especially when it's giro day, on which he is invariably late.
Bedroom gymnastics.
The Owstwecian God of surrealism.
A badly made hot beverage which resembles a mixture of asphalt and gravy.
The tasty bird next door who you can watch doing her ironing in her kitchen whilst she's only wearing her underwear.
To watch a girl/woman disrobing in her bedroom.
Whatever it is that makes your cycle handlebar grips spin round.
The yellow sulphuric muck found under the lid of your solid-fuel stove.
A dodgy curry.
A concept car which resembles a sun-bleached green Vauxhall Cavalier with no rear windscreen.
The SI unit of annoyance. The threshold of moanide is approximately 30 knerhves, symbol Knv.
Female underwear that has been left to evolve behind a chest of drawers for 6 months.
To hang on to a cycle (kreakcea) which, although it is due for the scrap heap, it can probably be serviced for another 75,000 miles.
To get one's moneys worth out of a cycle.
A bicycle that has had all of its parts replaced save for the frame and the handlebars.
Tea out of a thermos flask.
Someone who has an annoying twitch.
The sudden realisation that the girl you've been staring at for 10 minutes has noticed your gaze and is storming over with a nasty look on her face.
The Owstwecian national disease.
A person who escapes hastily to avoid confrontation.
A device made from rope and bunjees for holding parts of your bike on while you get home.
To be rebuked for something you're perfectly entitled to do.
Crap aftershave, usually more than 20 years old.
To be in a pub that's lost track of time.
To crash your bike into the side of a parked lorry because you were too pissed to notice it.
To be so obsessed with a girl that you ask her out, even though you know you don't stand a chance.
The feeling of numbness when cycling a long way. Closely related to pnudnac.
A cycle trip where everything that can go wrong, does go wrong.
A liquid that makes you visit the toilet a lot.
A standard towa that has had all of its unnecessary components removed except for those parts vital for carrying half a dozen spotty glue-sniffers up and down the track.
To narrowly avoid disaster by sheer good fortune.
Excessive pubic hair.
The state of becoming impervious to your partners' complaints.
To be pestered by a group of teenage girls into going into the off-license to buy them a bottle of cheap cider and 10 Park Drive.
An Owstwecian cow.
